September 8, 2013

Dear Arlo,

I have a sinking sadness from how people change.  Maybe my sinking sadness isn’t because people change.  Change is good.  It is how people, friends, seems to have got so lost they don’t even recognize themselves.  It is to the point that I believe some believe existence somewhat pointless.

I wonder how they got this way and why I never saw it until it was too late.  Was I too lost in myself I forgot to check up on my beloved friends to make sure they didn’t need a lift.  If I was anyone’s shoulder in life I see why when they went to lean they fell instead.  Sometimes I think everyone is looking for help that no one is ever there to give.  Why we are always so self consumed I am not sure.  I wonder what it would be like if we were looking to help each other rather than ourselves.  I think deep down most are just interested in self than others.  It makes me so empathetic.

I wish sometimes I could just hug people.  Not that this would really help them in the long run.  I feel their pain.  I just have trouble helping them understand how to make it go away.  Not that they would listen to me if I knew exactly how to make it go away.  Most think they have to help themselves.  I can’t help but wonder why we have people if we all just have to help ourselves.  Aren’t we suppose to help each other?  So why do we push others away when help is offered?

I wish I saw more people change in a good way.  I wish they would become more happy and self grounded.  Less worried and more relaxed.  Life is so short to always worry about everything.  Then you have the pointlessness of worry and how it changes nothing.  If I worry about something all night long I can’t even work on changing until the next day.  All I do is make up tons of unless scenarios that don’t get me anything but lack of sleep.   I have learned to write when I am worried.  I found my escape elsewhere in something I enjoy doing.

I live writing.  I dream about it.  I wake up wanting to write.  I go to sleep wanting to write.  Through out the day I want to write.  Right now, I spend time wishing I can write other people’s worries away.  If I must worry, I guess it is good it is spent on other people rather than myself.  Isn’t life a circle?

Sincerely,
Your Fan